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So This Happened. Finally.

Seattle’s Dark Knight


It Finally Happened and All I Can Say is its About God-damned Time


Wherein my dignity is stolen by a First Grader…Again.




The first indicator of the super hero-themed week to come was my nephew Maurese seeking my help with a difficult level of the Spiderman game on his DS. He was condescending in the manner typical of most six-year-olds:

Maruese: You spin the tablet, but you have to kill the octopus and the hands ‘cause they slow you down. Just spin the tablet and that makes you get through the portal faster. Do you think you can handle that?

Me: (stubbornly) Yes.


(After ten to fifteen minutes of thorough humiliation at the hands of Sony.)

Me: No this is-They keep coming so fast!

Maurese: I told you how to do it, you just don’t listen.

(An indeterminate amount of time has passed.)

Me: How long is this portal? We’ve been here at least an hour.

Maurese: It’s been ten minutes.


(I have approached the glassy precipice of DS specific game rage but don’t want to further injure my already limping dignity by conceding defeat to someone who watches the Wiggles with a devotion that borders on religous. As sarcasm is the natural refuge of losers* I waste no time laying on a thick sheen of murderously witty verbal degradation.)

Me: (Scoffs) So, is this what you do for fun?

Maurese: (Deadpan) No. This is a mission. Missions are more important than fun.

Had we been animated I’m fairly certain this would be the part where his steely, unblinking stare would cause me to explode in tiny pieces that would rain down on the room. At this point, time can only tell whether his intense devotion and Samurai-like sense of justice will be used for good or evil. At times I sense much baby Anakin in him, but hopefully someone will take the initiative and put him in an after school program before he attains telepathic choke-hold status.*

The superhero theme continued (in an all together less embarrassing manner) with this gentlemen-



 The Phoenix, being vigilant.



-a Mr. Mark Jamison who stalks the streets of Seattle battling crime as Phoenix Jones.  He utilizes martial arts, is part of a local group calling itself the Rain City Crime-Fighting Movement, and changes into costume behind a moving bookshelf in a comic book store.


 Now, the logical part of me understands that it’s incredibly dangerous to go around attempting to correct injustices armed with nothing but karate skills and a well-made disguise. The other part is far too busy raising both fists in triumphant spasms of glory and encouragement for the stubborn bravery of man. 

I would’ve taken up the caped crusader gauntlet years ago if it weren’t for my poor eyesight and lack of combat skills and the fairly persistent urge to avoid confrontation whenever humanly possible. As much as the idea of being an enforcer of justice and slayer of evil appeals to me I don’t think I’m equipped with the physical and psychological wherewithal to handle such a task. The amount of strain is unfathomable, in addition to the secrecy and the whole “potentially putting friends and loved ones in peril” business. I have many complexes, but the messiah is not among them*, and while I imagine that sort of thing would be useful in the regular occurrence of having to people’s lives, the concept is equally detrimental should you fail to do so. Getting back to the relevance, I don’t have the timber of a Bruce Wayne or a Clark Kent and (because long-windedness is a disease that does not yet have a telethon) my delivery of an awesome, villain-baiting one-liner would probably be:

Me: Sir\Madame! I demand that you cease and desist your felonious behavior immediately!

Which let’s face it, just doesn’t posses the same snappy pizzazz as “I’ve got your 'pointers' right here!”* I’m eager to learn Kung Fu, but more for the discipline of the art form than the ass-kicking.


I think I’m just excited that someone finally did it. This man reviewed reality and said “No, I think not” and put it to himself to correct what he saw. It’s like myth-making, someone transforming the world around him through the sheer force of his will. The fact that this sort of thing actually exists beyond the pages of treasured books and hallowed comics, that it’s no longer exclusively the stuff of fiction, pleases me to no end.  

 Making our parking garages safe again.












*Shout out to Gregg Kinnear!

*I love my nephew dearly and am in no way implying that he is now or may grow up to be a ruthless Sith Lord.

*This presupposes that all superheroes have messiah complexes. I’m sure the majority of them don’t but some are probably cursed with them.

*Delivered by Wolverine in the X-Men cartoon popular in the mid 90s.



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Feb. 17th, 2013 02:21 am (UTC)
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